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I’m your average: customer service worker, married, mid-thirties, two kids and infertile.

I was never a whore in the classic sense of the word. Ex-boyfriends and ex-lovers were always my kryptonite. I met my first “boyfriend,” ‘C’, online way before it was socially acceptable to do so. My mom let us go to the movies while she sat in the back. I was thirteen. Nothing happened then. My first school boyfriend was the popular guy. The class clown. I was fourteen, twenty-eight days away from being fifteen when I lost my virginity to him. A serious boyfriend followed and there was nothing too exciting sexually up until this point.

I always loved having a story. Being able to say “yeah, I fucked him,” or “yeah, I totally had sex while driving.” I loved older guys, guys at least five years older than me. My girlfriends and I always talked openly about our conquests, there was even one summer we all had sex in the same room almost every night. I am proud to say that I took three men’s virginities, that I’m aware of.

There wasn’t an insane amount of men before I got married but I feel I had my share.

The one with the penis so small & the ego so big. This one got mad when we broke up so I called him at two a.m., woke him up and told him his dick was the smallest thing I had ever seen.

And it was.

The one who literally lasted ten seconds one time and should not count against my total. Amusingly, he knows my husband and I still run into him from time to time.

He really shouldn’t count.

The guy my best friend was fucking with a fourteen-inch dick.

It was so big she made him take it out and show me.

It wasamazing.

The first boyfriend who became a fuck buddy. Someone to call on a lonely Friday night. He was the first man I was fucking but had no desire to date. He always wanted to cuddle after sex and I used to lie and leave my apartment and drive around the block so he would go home.

The boyfriend with the uncut dick I was afraid of and then realized how wonderful it was.

And how wonderful he wasn’t.

The gay best friend who taught me how to give a really good blow job and how to have not painful anal sex.

The fuck buddy who was my first and only threesome. He fucked me doggie style in my best friend’s closet while I blew his friend. Wonder why he never wanted to date me. 🙂

The year before I met my husband I had sex with four of my exes, going all the way back to the one who took my virginity. It was as if somehow I knew the next boyfriend was it and that this was my last opportunity.

I’m a faithful person. Now that I’m married and have been with my husband for over ten years it’s no longer about the conquests but about how to make it interesting. We pride ourselves in unusual places. I gave him a hand job on an airplane in our seats with my father and brother seated behind us. In a fire truck. On the beach. On the hood of my car.

I often wonder what happens as we age and grow as a couple.

Will unusual places be enough?

Will porn and thongs and dildos be enough?

I can’t imagine ever fucking or doing anything like that behind his back. I could however imagine it being done with his knowledge. With him watching? With me watching? I don’t consider a hand job cheating, and I wouldn’t be mad if he got one. I’m not sure if he ever would.

I look forward to our sexual future and I hope it’s as exciting as I imagine it could be.